January 13, 2014

My 5days as a promoter

Day 1 (Friday, 10/1/14):
How I feel:  I am really disappointed with myself today for not being able to obtain any previews and enquiries today, especially when it's a Friday night like today. I've started out the day perfectly planned, with the ambition of getting 5previews. The first blow daunted upon me when I realised that noone really cares,  despite your visible efforts. The second blow came when the stuff from minitoons told me that actually, the promoter before me had actually been having this issue as well. There goes my hope and confidence. And  well, for the rest of the time, I'm just like a soulless doll who had lost any sign of the vicious fighting spirit that I've started out with. This lasted all the way until, I saw a pure and innocent little kid at night. The way he so innocently kissed the rocking horse and the way he smiled so happily afterwards gave me an unexplained surge of energy. It made me see that actually life is just that simple, there's no reason to read too much about it. Life is a gift in itself and so, for all of us lucky ones who are able to be here on this planet, we should be thankful for it. What we should do in return, is to echo this idea through taking whatever we have in hands to the best of our abilities and to inject the essence of life into every single detail. So yes, I ended up with no previews and enquiries. I certainly do not hope that this would continue for the rest of my days as a Beautyfulmind promoter.

Day 2 (Saturday, 11/1/14):
Having had the first blow being dealt to me yesterday, I have really lowered my expectations for today and to be honest, I expected close to zero (or maybe only one) previews/enquiries. I was determined to try my best again for today, to just give it my all(not being ambitious) and see how it goes from there. And so I went, starting from 11am, up in spirits, doing my best to convince parents to listen to me and sign up for a preview.

Finally, one interested parent came along and after explaining all that I could to her, she signed the enquiry form. At that moment, I was incredibly happy and elated to know that I would finally have my first preview soon. Success seemed so near, just an arm's length away from me. Yet, just when I thought that I've gotten my first preview, she flew away upon hearing that a deposit was needed. (Well maybe I should have told her that no deposit was fine as well so that I could at least have 1 preview to submit for my part.) But that was it. It was so close, so within reach but sigh... it slipped away.

I hid away my disappointment and since it was still early, I kept my hopes up. I was still hopeful, at least now there was a little progress from yesterday. The rest of the days would get better, definitely. Time ticked by as I slogged out my gut to approach potential parents but... effort doesn't always equate to success I guess. Soon, it was time for me to end my shift at 4pm, with another girl replacing me. I lamented to her about how hard it was to get any previews/enquiries and even ended the conversation with her by saying 'good luck'. Maybe she would face the same issue that I am, given that noone seems interested. I then packed my stuff and left, still feeling good because I felt like I did my best today.

But yet, as soon as I left the booth, I saw from the corner of my eye, that a parent went to approach her on her own accord and I believe, have signed the enquiry form. Woah, just, woah.

Why didn't I get approached like that? Was there something wrong that I did or did the vibe that I exuded scare off parents?

 I pondered over and over it and alas, came to a conclusion, perhaps to console myself: I've gave my all, did what I could but if the parents do not reciprocate, there's no helping it, isn't it. These was all that were in my mind, although I was disappointed that I did not get any previews/enquiries at all on a Saturday morning/afternoon like this, I came to accept the fact that failure is normal and luck is all that matters. It's still okay cause maybe, just maybe, I am not as lucky as she is, but I do not doubt my own ability.

However... judgement was too quick to be made. I checked my whatsapp some time after, only to find out in horror that the girl actually had had 3 enquiries, in the short time that she had. As she reported this on the whatsapp group chat, I could tell that the bosses were apparently dissing me and were all out in recognising her. Ouch.. I felt my pride and ego sink to the bottom of my stomach and tried hard to swallow the reality. But even before I could sort out the million thoughts racing through my mind, somebody pulled the trigger to my head. The head shot was dealt as J told me that my tuesday's slot was cancelled. Refusing to believe it, I questioned her and asked for a reason. I don't know if I was dumb enough to ask that straight or what, but I sincerely wanted to affirm the truth. I wished I hadn't asked that question... Her brutal and merciless reply really killed any traces of the little hope that I had left.

I have no idea why I had been such a failure. I did tried my best. I did put my heart out on the market to do the promotion. I did smile like crazy at them to make them feel more obliged to listen to me. I did stop potential parents & students I thought would be interested. I did explain the features of the tuition centre whenever parents have enquiries. But... I guess it wasn't enough. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I just suck at doing this shit. Maybe I should wear red underwear. Maybe my ability to convince and explain to them sucked. Maybe I do not have luck for such stuffs. Maybe somebody cast an evil curse on me. Maybe God doesn't want me to do this job. Maybe........ There were so many thoughts running through my mind while on the way back home, that I had to seek refuge at a quiet playground near my house, just to get a breather. I sat there as I thought of all the reasons that could have led to this failure. I don't think of it as a failure merely because I've failed to earn my commission, but as a failure in promoting, for this job. I feel like I've not done my job properly and this feeling sucks. It's the first time ever that I've felt incompetent in the operation of my job. Kfc? No problem, it was easy. Surveyor? Sure, it wasn't good but I blame the ridiculously long and unbearable questionnaire. Flyers' distributor? I think I did a really great job and had a wonderful time. Ritz Banquet server? Not much problems, so it was good. But this... I really doubt my skills now and it's really killing all my confidence.

Time and time again, I thought about why but I could not pick an appropriate answer to explain this shit. Whenever I hit a dead end, I just sat there and waited for the cool night breeze to surge and blow away all my cluttered thoughts. I do feel less emotional now but still, I do not know why. And I really need an answer; a solution..

Now, should I even try tomorrow........?

Day 3 (Sunday, 12/1/14):
Finally was able to shake off of the 0previews title today! 2 previews and 2 enquiries mmm. Not good enough for a Sunday night but I guess it's okay, considering my pathetic progress.

Anyway, an interesting character came across my booth today. So... I was just doing my job, trying to shoot across sincere smiles to all who were passing by to capture their attention and recognition. An old man, crowned with ashen grey hair, with a big wide retro glasses that covered half of his face, came along. He smiled back at me, stared straight into my eyes and continued ahead. Puzzled by his reaction, I just remained still in my position until a moment later, I realise he came back for me. He started asking me how old I was, how much I was paid, why I was wasting my time here when the pay was so low, told me I should go overseas to study, told me to become a doctor and told me to grab my youth. After the exchange of talks, I found out that he was a Professor who held a doctorate and had studied in Sydney University, whom I presumed to have retired. There was this air of confidence and arrogance around him that scared me. Yet, it was also this air that made me think a little more about my future. Mmmm....


Day 4 (Monday, 13/1/14):
Efforts doesn't always pay off I guess.. Another day of no previews but, whatever. I daringly asked J to find a substitute for me if she genuinely placed the numbers of previews as a priority today but sigh, she rejected the offer. Guess I would have to waste 1 more day of my life doing this shit.

Day 5 (Tuesday, 14/1/14):
Fuck it, it's over.

Total earned: $309.75

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